So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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