Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
