Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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