i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
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wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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