If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
