Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
