I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
