Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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