so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
