Michael Bay diarrhea
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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