Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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