Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
