i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
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Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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