I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
