Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
