I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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