I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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