my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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