I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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