He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
