nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
