tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
