Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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