Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
