It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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