my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have aggressive nipples.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize