Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i drank out of a bidet.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
