ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Enjoy the penises
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
