woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
