Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
