I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
