can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
