I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
