you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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