There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
