Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
