oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
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I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
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she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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