Everything about him screamed your future.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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