you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
