I'm so fucking centered right now
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
