he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
