I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
