You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
