Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
