He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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