Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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