none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
