we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
