who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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