U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
