drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
