she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
