Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
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Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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