I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
