I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We need to get me chipped asap
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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