So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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