Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
