Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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