blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
