If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
