remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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