Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
