What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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