haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
