I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
