in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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