I feel great
I just peed on a car
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
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Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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