Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
