Kiss
Puke
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
