yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
