This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
