I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
