Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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