You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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