I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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