My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
