I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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