My brain says no but my pants say off.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
