just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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