how can u be prego again
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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