I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
